Dear Diary…

Wish you were here

I wish my mum were with me right now - in fact anyone from my family. I really miss my mum. I mean, OK, I'd love to be sitting next to Mariah Carey but I don't know what I'd say to her! When I'm feeling down, I've got girlfriends I can call who are good to talk to and who've I've known for years; they're quite secretive too.

Do you wanna know a secret?

I'm quite a secretive person. I wouldn't even tell my parents or my best friends some things; I like to keep stuff to myself. Out of S Club I'd probably confide in Paul cos he's older than I am and I'd go to him for advice. We get on well and we've got a lot in common like our taste in music. We like writing and we've got an interest in producing and stuff. When I'm down, I usually like to surround myself with people, just smile and get on with it and try not to think about things. I'll only talk about stuff if I really need to. You need your own space.

Cry baby

I've got a heart of stone. Members of my family have died and I've felt nothing. I don't know what it is but I just don't cry. I used to. I think the last time I cried was when I was 12 when my dog Sammy died. The last time I laughed 'til I cried? A few nights ago, Jon, Paul, Hannah and me were all round at Hannah's flat and we were in hysterics. There's this advert on MTV with tarot card reading. There's one woman reading the cards saying, 'Well, your husband is having an affair,' and this other woman is pulling really funny faces. Her reactions are hilarious!

Girl talk

I hate girls that know they're attractive. It's good to know you're good-looking and to be confident about yourself but I hate girls who think they're too nice for people - that really gets me! I also dislike blokes who think they're really hard too! As for me, I'd like to be a bit more at one with my earth, you know, a bit more spiritual and open up a bit more. I wanna relax and take life as it comes. If I can achieve that then I'll write better songs.

Wish me luck!

I'm looking for a good luck charm at the moment - I need some luck right now, I'm struggling! Life's getting harder - we're getting closer to going home and things on set are getting hectic. I just wanna go home, I need to be in my own bed! In fact, that's my biggest fear, that I won't make it home. I love LA but nothing is better than London, it's the best place in the world. I'll never move away cos that's where my friends and family are.